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Thursday, Apr. 26, 2018 - 8:43 P.M.

Tonight must be one of the worst night's I've had with the kids. I screamed at them today, especially the eldest. We're eating dinner, and I'm trying to load a game, and as he tries to show me something, he knocks over a glass full of juice, which spills on my pants, spills on the table cloth, onto the cloth chair and down onto the floor.

If he wasn't reaching for an i-Pad, I doubt he would've done that. Technology / video games is crack for little kids. If a game weren't loading, he wouldn't have reached for it. He typically lunges for it.

I'm getting more sleep than usual-- five / six hours. I typically get four. And anyway, I've been getting up super early to just get to work to do dumb shit tasks that the "overseers" think is important. Honestly, it's really frickin' difficult when my bosses make up rules that we need to carry out, yet there's no support or repercussions if they're not followed.

I wish I had patience when I get home, but I use it all up at work. As for my eldest...I feel as if he does NOT pay attention to anything he is doing. He breaks everything; he's clumsy because he's inattentive. He argues about everything, and I don't want him to turn into a brat...anyway, I'm ranting...

I tried to call some people, but every time you need a person to talk to...they aren't around. Not around at all. I left a couple of messages to be called back, but it's not happening tonight.

I'm tired. Single parenting is hard (understatement). Their dad is a huge loser. He barely calls them. It's been about three weeks; he called last night and says, "It's been awhile since I've called you. I have been doing some training for work. How are you guys?" When does he call? On the subway to and from, on the train, and up the elevator. Short and sweet conversations.

Deadbeat dad. I may just write a whole month on that topic since I have to deal with it so much...
or I have to deal with the effects that he doesn't spend much time with them or contact with them.


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